April 2010
1 post
Ezio Auditore Steals Entire City’s Wealth in Order... →
March 2010
3 posts
“Though the Bloodstain and Message Tell Me Th’ Ill... →
Luke Attempts to Solve His Most Difficult Puzzle... →
Civilization Game Causes Poli-Sci Student to... →
Another fun one!
February 2010
1 post
Thanks, Wii-Blog! →
JohnnyV likes me! I never knew until today! Thanks, Sir
December 2009
1 post
UN Institutes "Slappers Only" Law →
November 2009
2 posts
ZOMBIES! →
Pretty good...
This is like an old Shel Siverstein tape where he’s enjoying his own voice alone in a studio, except the writing is way WAY better in this countdown!
#3 is my favorite!
October 2009
6 posts
Okami's Apology on HARDCASUAL.NET! →
My latest post!
Real War and Fake War on Hardcasual.net →
Latest Post on Hardcasual.net: Kirby says Dream... →
8 tags
Timmy has been quietly thanking Jesus every time... →
My first post on Hardcasual.net! Check it out!
September 2009
2 posts
Stan Lee calls video games miracles... →
No word on how he feels about The Angels winning the penant so his Dad will come home…
July 2009
2 posts
10 tags
Parasitic Priest, Leader of Los Illuminados Cult,...
A priest of the famous Los Illuminados Cult was charged earlier today with possesion of Crystal Meth and inapproptiate relations with a minor.
“He’s innocent until proven guilty,” a spokesperson said, just before a winged bug burst through the top of his skull.
- Lord Osmond Saddler, in the middle of a campaign for world-domination, brought shame to both his family and supporters. The priest...
11 tags
Football Announcer Spends Record of Less Than 7...
At first I thought it was a glitch: scores were wrong, names were mispronounced, all the mascots were refered to as “those awful awful jews.” That’s when I did a little research, and found that the sportscaster hired to replace John Madden in the new Madden 2010 (set to be released in August) pulled an Orson Welles and decided to only come to the recording studio for 7 1/2...
June 2009
1 post
Finally! The game we were all waiting for!
The Wii finally achieves its full potential while still managing to give the people what they’ve been wanting in a video game for so long:
Polish director makes Pre-WWI all black-and-white game will deliver what Nintendo has promised us for the past 20 years: Sadness, the video game.
May 2009
4 posts
8 tags
Other Characters the Makers of PUNCH-OUT Thought...
Jewy McJewstein and his huge bag of gold. “By the power of my payis, I shall smite thee! I’m gonna knock this shegetz right in his un-brissed blintz!” Ulysses O’Flaherty who fights with a sack of potatoes and Catholic Guilt. “Oh, no more dilly-dallying with te mitts! I’m still tree sheets to da wind from the wake of the last guy I fought!”
Baba Ali, the Indian boxer who learned to...
Zack and Wiki steal 3.2 Million Dollar Oil Tanker
In their most depraved act of lawlessness thusfar, world-renowned pirates, Zack and Wiki have stolen a 3.2 Million dollar oil tanker in hopes that the monetary supply will allow them to finish their search for the last few pieces of Barbaro’s golden body.
In an interview with Time Magazine, the team of pirates revealed their non-violent methods for taking the vessel hostage: “Q: How were you...
Cleveland Browns Trade Entire Offense for...
After weeks of negotiation, the Cleveland Browns finally arrived at a winning strategy for next season: the NFL team has officially announced that it will trade its entire starting offense for 11 mascot players.
Head Coach Eric Mangini had this to say: “The offense last season just wasn’t gettin’ it done, and though we’re losing a few star players this season, it will pay off in the long when...
March 2009
6 posts
Dan on The-Minusworld!
Video Game comedy gurus at The Minus World accepted some of my articles!
CHECK IT OUT!
4 tags
11 tags
Wiighing the Options: Boom Blox or Steven...
When Steven Spielberg denied the Chinese government his creative input for the Beijing Olympics on the grounds that China needed to reform their views on Darfur, I doubt Spielberg realized that his most recent creative work is a more egregious violation of human rights than anything the Chinese government ever fathomed.
Steven Spielberg, whose movie credits include Munich and Men in Black II,...
9 tags
Multi-platform Options: Resident Evil 4 or...
Up to now, I’ve proven that the Wii generally makes better games than other systems. But what about multi-platform games? How can I compare the X-Box to Nintendo merely by types of games produced? It’s not PS3’s fault that its graphics chip can’t process the funness level of a game like Ninjabread Man! This week, I have chosen a game that most Wii players agree is far superior to a previous...
10 tags
Wiighing The Options: Killzone 2 and Chocobo's...
Killzone 2 is the hyped-up first-person shooter that took Sony four years to make (before the PS3 was even released). Killzone 2 features cinema-quality graphics, fast-paced action, and at really intense moments a character will use the “fuck” word. But, what was I playing all week? A game that has a 10 year-long history with Sony, making it a full 2.2 times better than Killzone 2. I am,...
February 2009
9 posts
12 tags
Philoso-Wiighing the Options: Kant and Elebits
Video gamers have grown older. Their sensibilities more complicated. Following a recent demand for games that feature karmic consequences for each action, Playstation offers games like Fallout 3 and Bioshock. The Wii, of course, was way ahead of other platforms. Here is an article I wrote (I swear) the day Elebits came out. Though it seems that I am a hack who just came up with this a day...
8 tags
An open letter to Wii...
Dear Wii, What’s happened to you? You’re hurting me. I just went into my local Game Stop to purchase Boom Blox, a fun-filled puzzle game directed by my hero, Steven Spielberg, but while standing in line I saw a game called “The House of the Dead: OVERKILL.” I thought, “Surely, this must be a game that helps young people cope with the tender loss of a grandparent…but ‘Overkill’? What...
8 tags
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Other Wii Promotion Taglines...
Wii want to make our girlfriends lose respect for us. Wii want to remind ourselves constantly that our little siblings are better at something than Wii are. Wii want to embarrass ourselves at parties by being “totally sick” at Mario Kart. Wii want to violently thrash around until Link breaks something or Wii break the TV with the Wii-mote. Wii want our Match.com profile to include “Cooking Mama”...
7 tags
Basic-Wii, I have to quit already...
Everything I had planned to talk about on this blog was summed up in the first few minutes of this guy’s video…
Then in the final two minutes (through the magic of editing), he hit a crack pipe and covered literally everything I have to say about the future of gaming. I’m not sure why the video looks the way it does. He appears to be broadcasting from his Mom’s...
8 tags
A Wii Bit of News...
One step closer: The Japanese put out a Wanted sign for a hit and run using the Mii creator. The leprechaun from Mobile, Alabama is still at large! Some amateur Miis are more accurate than others, I guess…
If y’all seen the Barack ObaMii playing tennis say ‘YEAH!’
http://www.engadget.com/2009/02/08/this-mii-is-a-criminal/
The state of Texas celebrated “Video Game Day” on...
6 tags
Wiighing The Options: Gears of War 2, World of...
Gears of War 2 came out recently, and according to every major game developer magazine it is an incredible coked-up ride through violence-town.
I will now argue that Wii-Ware’s #1 game World of Goo is a far superior product (without crying). XBOX 360 has already proven that it can make a game so awesome that if the commercial features the worst song in the history of sound, people will still...
7 tags
Wii-elding a New Blog!
Hello fellow Miis,
My name is Dan Wilbur. You may remember me from The Apiary, CollegeHumor.com, or that time I met your parents and did a poor job keeping the conversation going after the question “so…you’re a philatelist?”
This site is for YOU, the aberration from the norm that enjoys searching for Barbaro’s Treasure in Zack and Wiki, instead of gaining the trust...
12 tags
My Wii-lationship Status...
After a VERY SERIOUS discussion with my friend Kent concerning the moral complexities of The Dark Knight, followed by a not-so-warm text fight with my ex-girlfriend about how we never talk “4 reel,” I realized my life is sad. I trace most of these bad feelings back to the day I purchased a Nintendo Wii. Most commercials for the Wii depict a happy crowd of mixed ethnic 20 year olds laughing on a...