Cleveland Browns Trade Entire Offense for All-Mascot Team
After weeks of negotiation, the Cleveland Browns finally arrived at a winning strategy for next season: the NFL team has officially announced that it will trade its entire starting offense for 11 mascot players.
Head Coach Eric Mangini had this to say: “The offense last season just wasn’t gettin’ it done, and though we’re losing a few star players this season, it will pay off in the long when we have Billy the Buffalo at halfback and an actual lightening bolt we got from the San Diego Chargers as running back.”
He went on to say that if you had a choice between once Notre Dame all-star Brady Quinn, and “a drunk, Irish midget with tiny arms, it’s a no brainer. You take the latter.” This comes after the great success of Moondog’s return to the Cavaliers, who showed up LeBron James after officials permitted him to use a trampoline and a t-shirt gun during the game.
There was also talk of resurrecting famous historical figures like Mahatma Gandhi, whose zombie body, though seemingly small, would be able to bench at least 600 pounds, jump ten feet in the air, and catch literally every pass.
