Zack and Wiki steal 3.2 Million Dollar Oil Tanker
In their most depraved act of lawlessness thusfar, world-renowned pirates, Zack and Wiki have stolen a 3.2 Million dollar oil tanker in hopes that the monetary supply will allow them to finish their search for the last few pieces of Barbaro’s golden body.
In an interview with Time Magazine, the team of pirates revealed their non-violent methods for taking the vessel hostage:
“Q: How were you able to hijack the ship?
A: We just moved a small cylinder into an empty space in the wall with a similar shape, then I rang a bell, and turned all the living creatures on the boat into various tools for my work. Then I hired a rabbit to look for more treasure. When we find Barbaros’ body, we will restore all the creatures to their normal lives.
Q: Is there any goal in mind?
A: Yes: I would like to be the best pirate in the world.
Q: For political reasons? Are you hoping to have more money?
A: No. I just want to be the best, you know? If I’m considered the best pirate in the world, even though I look like a seven-year-old boy I might get laid…Goddamn it…”
Several incentives for giving up the ship have been offered including more oracle dolls for the often stumped pirate, and possibly a full strategy guide in hopes that the team will solve a single puzzle in under an hour without solely using “trial and error.”
