My Wii-lationship Status…
After a VERY SERIOUS discussion with my friend Kent concerning the moral complexities of The Dark Knight, followed by a not-so-warm text fight with my ex-girlfriend about how we never talk “4 reel,” I realized my life is sad. I trace most of these bad feelings back to the day I purchased a Nintendo Wii. Most commercials for the Wii depict a happy crowd of mixed ethnic 20 year olds laughing on a leather couch while playing one of the Mii sports games. My world is a bit different.
Before I owned a Wii, I had only played and replayed one video game with any gusto: Final Fantasy VII (my serious discussion of this title will have to wait for a later date, suffice it to say my college roommate and I played it so much I thought at one point I was capable of casting some of the spells: “I’m about to Bolt 3 this essay, son!”). Still, video games screw with my perception of things, especially regarding decorum, since in Zelda you go: “Oh, did you make this clay pot?” (SMASH!) “Oh, what’s this underneath it? A human heart? Don’t mind if I do.” And then I proceed to eat the heart that this guy hid so carefully like something out of Edgar Allen Poe, except he left his door unlocked so I could walk in there with a sword and force him to answer a bunch of questions about a mysterious cave or some shit.
Now, instead of changing my ways and playing more active or social games (which the Wii apparently has the potential for) I have spent over 11 hours of my life devoted to OKAMI, a game where I am a wolf spirit who fights evil by controlling nature with a celestial calligraphy brush. I can only hope that my skewed perception of Asia can be a little more informed after the Olympics, which I will probably only watch for a few minutes before getting stressed out by the fact that I have not found enough treasure in Zack and Wiki, which I will follow up with another stoned viewing of Kung-Fu Panda.
I wish this were a triumphant blog that ended with a picture of me throwing the Wii out my apartment window in effigy, but sadly it is not. I will continue my simple quests for money and a piece of heart in the virtual world, wondering why monetary success doesn’t come from breaking things/killing several animals very quickly and why friendship doesn’t come from pushing a button. I don’t even know if I could find someone to take the picture of me. I should shower now. Good day.
