Wiighing The Options: Killzone 2 and Chocobo’s Dungeon
Killzone 2 is the hyped-up first-person shooter that took Sony four years to make (before the PS3 was even released). Killzone 2 features cinema-quality graphics, fast-paced action, and at really intense moments a character will use the “fuck” word. But, what was I playing all week? A game that has a 10 year-long history with Sony, making it a full 2.2 times better than Killzone 2. I am, of course, referring to Final Fantasy Fables: Chocobo’s Dungeon.
Chocobo’s Dungeon follows the further adventures of the yellow ostrich-like bird made famous for generating GP at the Gold Saucer and its one-time trip to retrieve Knights of the Round materia (Fuck yeah, Sephiroth! Taste that D!). Now the Chocobo is living in the town of Lostime, where he literally walks through the “dungeons” of people’s minds to retrieve their memories of traumatic events. I’m not sure how the game ends yet, but I have a hunch that Kate Winslet gives Jim Carrey another chance.
You may not know this, but the human mind actually is a labyrinthian maze full of giant hermit crabs and magic bean sprout people. In fact, most psychologists today, rather than medicate, send a small yellow bird into the brain in order to recover repressed thoughts that oddly resemble puzzle pieces.
Unlike Killzone 2 where the cut scenes appear no different than the actual gameplay and battles are “realistic” or “cooler than any first-person shooter ever created thus far,” Chocobo’s Dungeon utilizes age-old RPG stand-bys like turn-based fights that appear in sentence form: “Chocobo attacks Red Marshmallow for 3 damage. Red Marshmallow counters with Sadness” (Yep.). Chocobo also moves on a game board similar to Mikey’s from “Nick Arcade,” making me all the more comfortable as Phil Moore’s soothing voice enters my head: “Oh! It’s a Pop Quiz Chocobo! At what moment did you stop caring about Greek scholarship, and start letting your parents down?”
Rather than being forced to play the role of a trained foot soldier in a futuristic war zone, Chocobo’s Dungeon gives players the option of choosing Jobs (Black Mage, White Mage, Knight, etc.) before entering a scary dungeon. Much like the real world, a person gets to choose between one meaningless skill or another in order to feel the fleeting self-importance that comes with a new title for a job that seems as bleak as the last one. Chocobo also helps every merchant and laborer in town by spending the money he earns by casting spells on dragons. Much like the real world, Chocobo knows that the only solution for the major slump in the world economy is magic.
In town you also get to do crazy stuff like fish and deposit money into a bank. It is also required that you visit the Church every now and again to pray the evil off your weaponry. Do the Square Enix people know how to get me interested or what? Take that PS3!
The pleasure I gain from this game is un-Wii-maginable!
Dan
